#JuWriSoMos Reflections, week 6

As I reflect back on this past week writing each day, I am drawn to the writing prompt for Saturday. Really it was the whole week building to that prompt, but Saturday is when it hit me.

When I look back at what I’ve written so far, what keeps jumping out to me is how much I underestimate myself, even now. How much I play small, to play safe or to keep from being disappointed. How hard it still is for me to see myself as I am.

Now that I have noticed this, I am a little mad at myself for it of course. And it has also given me the opportunity to rewrite my internal dialogue some more. I mean, I really thought I had gotten further along in this arena, but it is amazing what comes out when you are caught off guard and are digging deep.

Did you know that I tell myself that I cant do things? That I cant finish projects? That I need things to be simple in order for me to be able to accomplish or follow through on things? Even things I really want to do.

Do you know what kind of nonsense this is?

If you know me very well or have heard my story you know how completely nonsense it is for me to tell myself that. That imposter syndrome is real, that self-doubt is real, even now. And it is ludicrous.

Course, because I am a little annoyed about it, I actually don’t feel the doubt or like I don’t deserve things right now. I am a freaking badass, I do hard and complex things that nobody else can do, and finish massive projects. Every day. But when that bravado fades, I know I’ll have to battle it again.

I am reminding myself of the truth, reframing, and practicing noticing.

The coaching techniques I use on others, work for me too. 😊