****Warning: this piece may evoke some overwhelming thoughts and feelings, please be mindful of this****
Survivor is a label I was given.
A gold sticker that says
As though it only applies after I am not longer being victimized.
But am I not a survivor
if I am still alive
even when I am still staring into the eyes
of a person who says they love me
then does everything to control
and rape me?
Am I not a survivor
when I am raging at a system that denies every effort I make to leave
to not need
to not bleed?
And what of the ones who
Are they not survivors too?
“a survivor is a warrior,”
someone whose voice and insights should be highly sought after…
“But only after they have survived long enough
so that they won’t be retraumatized”
Is that it?
Is your worry really about me, and my mental and emotional health?
Or is it about you…
How uncomfortable it might be
how it must be
When do I get to be the one who says
that’s my limit
When do I get to decide what wars I fight
and what battles are best left alone?
Do I get to put my armor down
to be seen
to make my own
about what is
When do I get to be
what was chosen