Write My Map Reflection: Weeks 5 & 6
It is hard to slow down this time of year. Even as someone who has immensely more control over my schedule than most people do, there are a lot of pressures and activities happening all around me. I have to work extra hard to filter what needs my attention and what can be left alone, and to determine how to prioritize all the additional tasks that come along with the holiday season and the end of the year. I am convinced that the pace of time itself speeds up in the final months of every year, I do not know where time goes on a normal day but I can usually track it. During the winter months, time does not exist. Only blurs and noise…
I am someone who has a practice of reflection, and I work hard to continue growing and doing better as I know better. But I haven’t always been clear. I haven’t always been able to put into words what I believed, what I want to bring into the world, how I want to show up in it, or the ways that I want the world to think of me. I know for some that may be surprising, given that I use words for a living.
Sometimes my brain gets muddy.
Sometimes I am thinking so fast and furious that I cannot catch the words I want to use.
Sometimes I cannot find the words that match up with what I am trying to say.
Sometimes that is because my brain is a little magic. And sometimes it is because I need to pause for a minute, slow down, and take some time to reset.
Whenever I came to write this last couple of weeks, I used a breathing meditation I wrote awhile back. I noticed that words came to me more easily, and I was able to be more clear. I noticed that I was being more honest with myself, and felt more committed to what I am trying to do and the way I want others to experience me.
In the middle of all the blurriness and the buzzy energy of this season, it felt good to be able to experience small moments of pause and also to notice that I was able to do this. To me, this is a sign that my hard healing work is making a difference in my own life. It allowed me to completely overhaul my MAP statement, and while I know that for now this is a draft, it feels much more aligned with who I am now.
- (Mission & Values) I use my gifts and skills as a healer, writer, and coach to participate in the messy work of making way for joy, peace, and healing to be experienced. I lead with bold and compassionate mindfulness through practices that integrate and connect within the whole body, honoring experience, full presence, honest gratitude, and healing creativity.
- (Vibe & Goals) I want others feel challenged, honored, at ease, and energized in my presence. I show up as a human being in the process of learning how to be fully human and healed. I measure my progress and my success by tuning in to my body and my spirit, noticing where I began and where I am, staying curious and seeking knowledge and wisdom from trusted sources, and being open to input from others who may be impacted by my work and presence. I coach and support people who have experienced complex trauma and work together in community to unearth and disassemble harmful patterns and systems, to heal the damage done to those who live on this beautiful planet, and find ways to honor and restore the earth.
- (Alignment & Accountability) I protect my process by taking regular time to reflect and engage in my own healing, being intentional about continuing to learn outside my comfort zone and being open to the many ways that wisdom and joy are experienced or passed on. I make adjustments to how I move in the world and how I serve when I notice my impact doesn’t line up with my intentions or mission, when the work and wisdom of trusted individuals leads me to make changes, and when my own growth and experiences propel me to do so.
As I was writing this reflection, I learned about the passing of a friend I knew since high school. Unexpected and sudden, the news about his passing gave me pause. I met James during a time in my life when I didn’t feel like I could be myself, didn’t know how to be myself, and it wasn’t safe for me to be myself either. It’s been decades since we met, but we kept in touch over the years. While some may have been intimidated by his presence, there was something about his energy that always made me feel seen and safe. I don’t hardly remember a single word he ever spoke to teenage and young adult me, but I remember how I felt when we shared space. As we connected here and there over the years, that energy stayed consistent, even when he was in great pain himself.
Something about death that makes reflecting on life more necessary, and more poignant. Makes my breathing meditation sit a little differently too. I will be back in a couple weeks with more reflections. In the meantime…
Slow down, take a deep breath
Sit for a moment in the silence and stillness
Breathe in fully, exhale slowly
Allow the silence to become soft
Allow the softness to begin healing
Breathe in softly, exhale slowly
Allow the healing to create fertile ground
Allow the fertile ground to be disrupted and replanted
Allow time to pass by and the truth to be revealed
Breathe in wholly, exhale deeply
Allow the earth to work its magic
Allow new growth to emerge
Breathe in fully, exhale slowly
Slow and pause for a moment
Tenderly noticing what is
Breathe in
Breathe out
Begin