This week was one that tested me. Not only was I out of my routine, and not in my own space, but I was also struck by the weight of the prompts for this week. Had I the time, I would have written for hours about some of the prompts. Weird, honestly, because they were about feelings. And, as a general rule, I avoid acknowledging my own feelings.
The fact that this is a challenge I designed, and we’re spending a considerable amount of time reflecting and writing about emotional responses, that irony was not lost on me. Because, you know, I generally avoid reflecting on my own emotional response to things. I set up this challenge to challenge myself. It’s working!
I do find myself a bit more curious with my internal state of being this week. Instead of simply accepting that it is, I find myself musing “what’s that about” more frequently. Those of you who know me will wonder about this, because you are probably used to me asking questions like “what else can you tell me about ____?” and “I am curious about ___, what are your thoughts about this?” and leaning forward, waiting for you to reflect. But like many of us, I am great at seeing what is outside myself, things that have distance and thus perspective. And not so much good at recognizing what is still within.
I am a work in progress.
This is a journey. A wandering and wondering. There’s no specific goal, yet. I am walking forward on the road, wherever it is taking me. Tuning in to the process, holding myself accountable to sticking with it…trusting my instincts that this, daily small amounts of time to focus on big things, is what I needed right now.
So far, I have been right.