WriteTogether Reflection: Final Session

I am always in awe at the end of these journeys. I know it take a lot of courage just to sign up. It takes a lot of courage to keep going, courage and energy. Most folks don’t make it all the way through without being derailed a few times, life has a way of doing that. Some decide now is not the right time for something like this, or that it wasn’t what they were prepared for. These writing journey’s are simple, and they are also intense. It takes a lot to design and prepare them, and it takes a lot to walk through them…

As this writing journey comes to a close, I am celebrating getting unstuck. I am celebrating having an outline and starting to fill in pieces of my book. I am celebrating making it through another writing journey, and the people who have been writing together with me.

This year, I learned that I don’t need to let my past continue to dictate my present or future. I learned that I have the power to intervene the trajectory of my story, and to write my own story. I know you all aren’t reading the book I am writing just yet, but I can tell you that this book has been stalled for the last few years because I was getting caught up. I was stuck trying to figure out how to tell my story without telling other peoples stories too, trying to figure out how to tell the truth without getting blackballed, how to figure out what the truth of all of it really is. What if I hurt people I care about by writing this book? I cant change the past, the hands of time cannot be reversed. And I know this deeply. I allowed myself to get sucked into that, instead of looking for ways to move mindfully through the fear and worry.
I get stuck in my head a lot, I noticed this before but it became really clear this year as I started writing through this journey. This journey helped me to gain perspective and to begin.

The practices of mindful scheduling, mini meditations, consistent reflection and writing, continue to help me feel grounded. They help me feel centered, and sturdier about things. Engaging in these practices has helped me find more space for the things I need and want to do, to gain perspective and clarity, and to be a better human. There is so much about the world that I cannot control, so much about my own life that I cant do much of anything about. And I think that instead of finding ways to remove barriers, including the feeling of needing to control things in the first place, and paying attention to what was going on within and around me, I had been turning on auto pilot. Allowing myself to feel that I was at the mercy of everything, instead of noticing where I was relinquishing accountability for what is within my realm of responsibility. That’s not the person I want to be, its not the person I set out to be, and it is up to me to turn off the auto pilot. Of course, that is hard to do. Life is overwhelming sometimes and the auto pilot helps to just keep things moving. But at the end of the day, it’s a disconnection from my life. When the auto pilot is on, I don’t have to think or feel about things. I don’t have to dive in, get uncomfortable, or notice how what I am doing is impacting others.

The writing practices help to reconnect. It’s not just about writing, and that is clearer and clearer every year. It is about so much more than writing. Unearthing things we keep locked inside, and noticing them with new perspective allows us to view them clearer and release the weight of them. It helps us become accountable to ourselves, and when we are accountable to ourselves we can become accountable to others too. Honest reflection, inner and outer connection, becoming more aware and attuned to self and others, becoming grounded and more true to yourself, showing up as a better human in your community, noticing… All of this is a practice.

Pen to paper, hands to keyboard, voice to microphone. No matter how the writing took place throughout this journey, each step becomes connected to another step. And another step. And another. One breath in, another breath out. One word after another. A practice, worth every moment.

I am grateful for the experience this year, and know that I will continue writing and exploring well beyond this journey. It has been an honor to share this space with you.

Until next time.